The way we talk to ourselves matters. Our brains don’t do such a good job of discerning between what is true and what is not when it comes to the things we tell ourselves. Our brain trusts us to tell it what is really going on. So when we bombard ourselves with negative self-talk that injures our spirit, belittles our contributions and ideas and says that we can’t, our brains believe us. And because we believe what we tell ourselves, these things will manifest in our lives.

The mind will often wander into Negative-ville and spiral out of control once there. To combat this, it helps to remember that you are in charge of your thoughts, that you have the ability to choose the thoughts that take root in your mind. Knowing this is half the battle. So if you mess up on a task at work, instead of beating yourself up about it, you tell yourself, “I am still learning and I have what I need to succeed.” By adopting this positive attitude within yourself, you may be surprised to see how others around you will also adopt this same attitude towards you.

We talk to ourselves more than we talk to anyone else. That is what thinking is. It’s a conversation with ourselves. Consider this, when you are having as uplifting conversation with a friend or a strange, do you walk away feeling good? Are you depressed or do you feel the need to clear your mind and decompress? Probably not. What about a negative conversation? How do you feel afterwards?

When you are constantly having negative conversations with yourself and reiterating unpleasant thoughts and demoralizing sentiments, you cannot feel your best. You can’t perform to your highest potential. One piece of negative self-talk requires exponentially more positive reinforcement to balance the scale. That is why it is well worth the extra effort to stay on the positive side of the street rather than the negative.

Ways to Change Your Self-Talk Narrative
When it comes to changing your narrative, a little bit of determination is required. You have to be dedicated to the idea that you are going to do your best to speak positivity into yourself. This doesn’t mean that negative thoughts won’t roll through from time to time (so don’t be too hard one yourself when you find yourself in a negative thought). It just means that you want to be more aware of your thoughts and more intentional about choosing your thoughts. That’s right, you have the power. Here are a few ways you can wield that amazing power.

1.  Affirmations
Try to make it a habit to affirm yourself everyday. There seems to be more vibration and resonance when you do it aloud, but you can affirm yourself in your mind until you become comfortable speaking them out loud. There are plenty of wonderful and encouraging things you can speak into your spirit to address any aspect of your life. “I am worthy of love.” “I have everything I need to succeed today.” “I deserve good things.” “I am joyful.” These are just a few suggestions and you should feel free to create your own.

You can make affirmations a little more fun, too. Place an affirmation jar on your desk or on a table at home and fill it with affirmations. Each day, pull one and keep it close, repeating or reading it as often as you feel necessary.

2.  Align Your Conversation and Your Goal
You can speak according to the goal you are reaching for. If you’re looking for more confidence and motivation, speak directly to increasing confidence. You can tell yourself that you are qualified and capable of handling a situation. If you want to experience love, you tell yourself you are worthy of being loved and capable of loving. Be specific to your individual needs.

3.  Be a Friend
It can be helpful to treat yourself with the same patience and kindness that you would a friend in need. Be compassionate and gentle with yourself. Change your negative narrative to something more positive. For instance, instead of saying “I have no clue what I’m doing,” you can say, “I am an excellent problem solver.” This way you address your hesitancy, fear or doubt in a way that doesn’t hold you back form moving forward.

Self-talk matters and the more we work towards having better conversations with ourselves, the better we will feel about ourselves. Cultivating a healthy relationship with self will change the way we interact with others, they way they interact with us and the things we attract into our lives. There is so much power in speaking positivity into your life.

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